I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Randomize
