I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
