rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
