What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
