Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
