i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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