I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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