my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Life is so much better after having sex.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You left your phone here
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