dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
