did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
