I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
