Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
