Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
