Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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