So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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