First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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