Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You're like the curious george of whores
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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