He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
