she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
