Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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