Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
