I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
