Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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