I feel great
I just peed on a car
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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