It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize