If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I cut my penus on the lid.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
