I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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