In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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