you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
