i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
