this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
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Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
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Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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