Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
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She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
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And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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