Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
