i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
