My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
