god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
