she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
