I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
