wakey wakey hands off snakey
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
