I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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