she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
