you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
