that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
