we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
