I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize