and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
