I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
