This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
