After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize