Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
