Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
