He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
