the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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