Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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