I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
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