Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
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i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
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Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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