my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Randomize
