I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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