No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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