when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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