I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
